“Go, Mommy, Go!”

by Laura Comtois

Guest writer Laura Comtois is an ambassador for The Women of AR.

Her article focuses on her experiences being a “mother who races.” If you have an Adventure Race related article for consideration, reach out to social@usara.com

“Are you a runner?” 

I hesitate. 

“Ahhh, kind of– I’m an adventure racer,” I reply.

It’s a question I hear often, and how I’ve identified as an athlete for almost 20 years. I’m 45 years old and have been adventure racing for 18 years. I’m married with 2 boys– currently 15 and 12 years old. I’m also a physical therapist, a friend, a daughter, and an ambassador for The Women of AR (Adventure Racing). 

Just like everyone else, I have different roles in life, and how intensely I engage with each of those roles ebbs and flows. My energy and focus can heighten for one role at times, while other aspects take a back seat. As a mom and an adventure racer, the distribution of energy to all my desired activities has often been a challenge. How do female athletes who are mothers meet their parenting goals while achieving their athletic goals? 

I can only relay my personal thoughts and perspective regarding the challenges of being a mother and athlete. I don’t have this all figured out, by any means! What follows is how my involvement in the sport has evolved through motherhood.

I got into adventure racing out of boredom and a need to get back to nature, which I missed dearly after moving from Vermont to central Ohio after college. I was in my late 20’s, already married but no kids yet, working full time, and had the time to devote to new activities. I was also trying to redefine myself as an athlete. After playing soccer in college and feeling ready to be done with the sport, I yearned for competition and setting new goals. So, I jumped on the internet, volunteered at a race, and plugged into the local adventure racing community immediately. 

Fast forward 5-10 years. I was a consistent member of a mixed gender team and continued to feel the drive to compete. I’m always impressed by the women who are racing just a few months after giving birth, pumping and dumping out on the course; however, that was not me. 

I paused racing for a full year during each of my two pregnancies. I needed more time to get my body and mind back together again after the birth of my kids. Once I got into the routine with work and family though, I was ready to go again with more intense training. I needed to have some physical goals and time in the woods because those kids are energy sucking leeches, people!  

I settled into a routine of doing 2-3 bigger races (12-36hr) each year, keeping them within a day's drive, and plugging in short, single discipline races locally when I could. 

Was there some negotiation around dates and time away with my husband? Yes, indeed. It was often a high stress topic of conversation in our household. We don't have grandparents nearby to help, and the burden of care would fall solely on my husband. He supported me, no doubt, but we learned that the training time was often more of a stressor to both of us than the time away for periodic race weekends. I needed to consider that and be more conscientious about my training time and strategies.

For many people, training with little ones at home often happens in the early morning hours before the family is awake. That makes a lot of sense and probably works really well!  Yet, it turns out I am not, and likely never will be, an early bird. My husband and I would trade evenings after work for gym trips or a short bike or run. Then, on the weekends, I would take the kids in the bike trailer for my long rides, or push one in a stroller on the hardest, but still off-road, stroller friendly terrain. Snacks and books, or Ipads in tow, the boys generally enjoyed chilling with the wind (or sometimes puddle splatter) in their faces, occasionally screaming “go mommy, go!”, which I asked them to scream when I attacked the hills. In the winter months, they played in the basement with Legos or trains while I rode my bike on a trainer. The point here is that I involved them in my training when I could and that time was always part of our lives together. They didn’t know any different. 

As the kids have grown, they’ve joined me for orienteering events, hikes, and they even took up mountain biking with my encouragement. I also helped coach their kids’ mountain bike team for a period of time. I tried to get them interested in everything I was doing because I wanted a little buddy excited to be out in the woods with me. I wanted that shared experience and stories to tell together. I wanted them to have the chance to be challenged and push themselves in new ways. That all sounds so nice, doesn’t it? 

Well, it turns out I may have been TOO excited at times, planning giant family hikes that took an entire day or were slightly treacherous (fun, right?!). These outdoor activities probably provided much of what we feel in an AR such as feelings of wonderment and awe, pain, joy, and frustration. However, they may have been less in awe, and rather overwhelmingly wondering why the hell they were still on the mountain begging mom and dad to be done already?!  OK, so maybe I scarred the kids with a couple big, albeit beautiful, hikes that make them question any outdoor activity I plan now. I might suggest that parents of young children be mindful about keeping things fun, and avoid crowbarring their training into family activities. 

In recent years my boys’ desire to do things with me has waned and time with friends and their other activities has been prioritized. Now, I fit in my training runs during their practices, and I ride my bike to watch their games when I can. They don’t require 24/7 supervision, and I have more time to train with less guilt about leaving my husband to be the solo parent. I do know that there were some memories made in our early adventures, and I know when given the chance to explore a new outdoor place, they perk up. They’ve seen me (and my husband) being active, exploring, and setting goals, and that has certainly seeped into their brains over the years.

I’ve learned that I definitely cannot force them to be interested in getting into adventure racing or even getting out into the woods with me. I’ve tried…and it went poorly!  They aren’t interested now, but they’ve developed some skills and knowledge early on that can be applied if they ever decide to pick a new activity, or try something new and exciting. I won’t expect it, but who knows, maybe someday I’ll be surprised by one of the boys ASKING to join me on an adventure in the woods. Either way, I’m happy for the time we’ve spent outside together. 

I write this as an ambassador for the Women of AR, and as a mother who races. We want to see more women in the sport, and often, being a mother can feel like a barrier. How can we find the time? How can we appease the people around us and still do what we desire? These can be difficult challenges, but I would encourage women (and all parents) to embrace their children as part of the adventure. Exposure to outdoor fun, adventure and “play” will surely make a long-lasting impact on their lives in a way that may have them coming back for more.